Are you unsure of whether your relationship can survive infidelity? Do you want to work to keep your marriage after an affair? Are you struggling to rebuild trust?
You found out your spouse cheated. You still care about your spouse, but you feel so betrayed. In fact, it’s hard to imagine ever trusting them again. But you have a lot invested in this relationship, and when you said "I do," you meant forever. You're committed to this relationship, but you need to find hope that it can get better. You find yourself wondering if your relationship is over. Do relationships really survive after such a painful experience? Is there any hope that a relationship can be good again after one spouse cheats?
This is a difficult position to be in. Cheating is a betrayal and can feel traumatic, sometimes even to both partners. It can be confusing and sometimes your feelings change from moment to moment. However, infidelity counseling helps you find a way forward after an affair. Many relationships do survive infidelity. In fact, our couples counselors often see relationships end up stronger on the other side of all this pain.
Can my relationship survive infidelity?
You value your relationship and you're not sure you are ready to call it quits. However, you are worried about being judged for staying. You wonder, "Do people actually stay after their spouse cheated? Am I just being gullible if I decide to stay?"
In our experience, couples can find healing after an affair. In fact often the relationship is strengthened through couples and marriage counseling. However, without the support of a skilled therapist, cheating is the number one cause of divorce.
Can you stay after an affair? Yes. You can stay and work through the issues. No, your relationship doesn’t have to end. There is hope for affair recovery with the help of the skilled therapists at the Center for Relational Transformation in Chicago, IL.
Couples Counseling After An Affair
Your trust has been broken. However, the spouse who cheated is apologetic and both partners want to make this marriage work. Couples therapy can help your relationship survive infidelity. In our downtown Chicago office, we help couples find a way forward after an affair. Regardless of what led to infidelity, it's possible for your relationship to be healthy again. Rebuilding trust and reconnecting requires the commitment of both partners and professional support, but it can be done!
A Note About Emotional Affairs
Not every affair is physical in nature. Maybe your spouse has been emotionally distant lately. Perhaps you have even confronted them about it. They insist they haven’t crossed any physical boundaries. However, you still feel hurt and betrayed. They've crossed an emotional boundary and relied on another person to meet the emotional needs that you used to meet. Infidelity includes emotional affairs. It's possible for an emotional affair to cause similar pain to as sexual affairs.
The good news is that couples therapy or marriage counseling can help you rebuild trust and connection even when the betrayal wasn't a physical one.
Affair Recovery at The Center For Relational Transformation
The therapists at the Center for Relational Transformation have found a process that works. We believe in the power of couples counseling and marriage therapy to help your relationship heal after infidelity. We use effective counseling methods combining Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), basic communication skills and our own couples counseling experience to help you find healing. While your relationship will never be the same, there is hope that it can be better than ever.
What to Expect in Counseling
After years of helping couples save their marriage and thrive after affairs, we have identified the following steps in the affair recovery process:
Step 1: Meet Your Immediate Needs
To begin the affair recovery process, we first work to stabilize the relationship. We ask what each partner needs to feel emotionally safe in this moment. It is important for all parties to feel seen and heard.
Step 2: Address the Affair Directly
After both parties feel safe, now is the time to dive deep. Some questions may need to be answered. We will look at the affair directly, letting each person express their feelings. At this step, the spouse who was cheated on is able to share their reactions, describe their pain and say what they need to get off their chest. The spouse who cheated is able to acknowledge the pain their actions caused, take responsibility and apologize. Through this openness and honesty you begin to rebuild trust with each other.
Step 3: Look at Your Relationship History
During the third phase, we look at what your relationship was like before the affair. What strengths and struggles were there? In what areas was your relationship vulnerable before the affair? Looking at the history allows us to find a path forward for the future. We then ask what we can do to help your relationship be stronger in the future.
Step 4: Move Forward in Your Marriage Together
Once the pain has been addressed and you have moved through the framework, now is the time to come up with a plan for the future. How can you fully rebuild trust and put systems in place so the affair is never repeated? In what areas can you make your relationship stronger than ever and less vulnerable.
As a couple, you'll also look for new ways to feel more connected with one another. You'll continue learning how to communicate better as a couple and develop new habits. You'll get to know one another again and bring joy, excitement and humor back into your relationship. Now you get to grow and enjoy your marriage again!
Counseling Can Help Your Relationship Recover
While there is no going back to how life was before the affair, it is possible to have a better relationship than you did before. It's hard to see right now in the midst of all the pain. And the truth is that it will take a lot of work to save your marriage or relationship. But it can change. There is hope. Our therapists have helped countless others save their relationship and we can help you too.
Yes, people stay after affairs. Yes, it can get better. In fact, if you and your partner are willing to do the work, you can come out stronger on the other side.
Begin Affair Recovery in Chicago, IL
Infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship. To begin couples or marriage counseling and begin healing from the affair, follow these three simple steps:
Hear back from a therapist within 24 hours (except for Sundays)
Begin finding hope again.
Other Services At the Center for Relational Transformation
At the Center for Relational Transformation, we help people survive infidelity. As a Chicago counseling center, we offer a variety of mental health services. Our skilled therapists understand the importance of having healthy, positive relationships. In addition to affair recovery, we help couples improve their relationships through premarital counseling, poly/open relationship counseling, divorce discernment therapy, couples therapy, marriage counseling, and communication skills. Relational Transformation also offers individual counseling, including anxiety treatment and depression therapy for individuals. Regardless of what you are working through, we are here to help you!